I’m Not Afraid

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Rocking back and fourth ,
A razor in hand .
I sit and cry and rock ,
Like there’s a baby in my lap .
The baby she’s inconsolable .

I want to put the crying in a car ,
Watch it roll into a lake .

Slide the blade back and fourth ,
Across the thin skin of my wrist .

First a cut ,
Then another next to it .
Each time thinking just one more ,
But No ,
I don’t stop .

Line them up tightly ,
A series of bright red screams .

Covering my forearm ,
From my wrist to inner elbow .
No !
It’s not enough.
It’s never gonna be enough .

I move my blade diagonally across ,
Carving a section of delicate cross-hatchings .

Yes I think ,
Do it .
Give in ,
Let loose ,
Go crazy ;
I’m Not Afraid .

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